'Cold feet'

A w@wie who’s getting married in 3 weeks posted something about what they call ‘cold feet’. I really didn’t know what that is at first. Then, as I went on reading the e-mail, I found out that it has something to do with a soon-to-be-married person’s fears. A lot of other w@wies gave their pieces of advice. I didn’t anymore express my sympathy though I really feel sorry for her.

Her post actually made me think. A lot of questions came in to my mind. Why am I not experiencing that? Is it because it’s still 11 months away and I don’t feel the pressure yet? Is it because I have already conditioned myself to the fact that I’m getting married? Am I marrying the right person? Am I really ready for this lifetime commitment? Am I afraid to lose my individuality and freedom?

It’s been exactly 10 years, 9 months and 2 weeks from the day that I gave him my ‘sweet yes’. I haven’t visited home for 2 years and 8 months now. Having been in a relationship like ours is never easy. We’ve been through a lot of things – good and bad alike. We’ve had the worst situation you could ever imagine. During those early years together, we were not really traveling to places. We were not even going out that often. Going to church, dining out at a restaurant, once in while going to the theaters and most of the time staying either at our house or at his has become a routine. The only places that we’ve been to if I remember it right are Tagaytay (which my parents don’t know) and Puerto Galera. Sometimes I ask myself why. Well, I have strict parents and that’s already given. But my Mama sort of gave us the freedom to do whatever we want to do after graduation. I can’t also say we don’t want to do it because we both love to go to places as far as I know. Why then? I don’t know. I really don’t. But having a good relationship will not just be based on that aspect I believe. I can proudly say we know each other pretty well. We’ve learned a lot from each other and we still are.

Am I really marrying the right person? YES! And even if you ask me over and over again, my answer will still be yes. Irvin is a very nice person. He is not the showy type but is definitely sweet in many other aspects. He is not much of a talker either but very sensible when he speaks. He always thinks of me first before his own self. He is very responsible and I’m pretty sure he can be a good provider. He is a home body type of person and very family-oriented. This is basically the reason why we’re getting into fights lately. For the longest time that I’ve known him, I never met any of his high school friends and now that I’m miles away, he goes out with them and stays out late. It’s not that I don’t want him to enjoy but it’s more of I don’t know who’s he with. The worst is he goes home really late. Oh well that’s another story. But in fairness to him, I know he’s just trying to have some fun and he knows what he’s doing for sure. One thing that I don’t like about him is that he will keep everything (especially problems and negative sides of things) to himself. He wouldn’t want to give me something to worry about…to think about. He will try to resolve it by himself as much as possible. Bottom line is I always tell him we should share both the positives and…the negatives. That’s basically the reason why we have each other.

Am I losing my individuality and freedom? Yes and No! It really depends on how you look at it. In some ways, I will have to consult my other half or maybe I should say it’ll be a two persons’ decision especially if we’re talking about the family that we are trying to build. It is a part of being married. Two people are being united in marriage to become one. You can’t just have your own perspective in everything. Before I even decided to marry him, I have already thought of the many possible things that marriage will change. It’s not anyone’s responsibility but ours…both of us will be responsible in making our married life happy. On the other hand, marrying him will not mean that I’m leaving my own friends…that I can’t anymore do what I want…that I have to be with him all the time… that I can’t anymore buy things for myself. My friends could also become his friends. I could still go out with my friends in the same way that he also can. The only thing is there are limitations. There are a lot of things to be considered.

Marriage is a lifetime commitment. It is a gift from God. It is the best thing that you can share with your loved-one. All I can say is I can’t wait to walk down the aisle, be married to him and be with him for as long as I live. - faye